For a while, I was obsessed with the idea that I wanted to move into the Ballard Designs catalog, which is kind of weird because green is my least favorite color and there are a lot of green walls in Ballard Designs. Tonight, as I flip through DAYDREAM LULLABIES: A BILLY DOGMA EXPERIENCE, I find myself fantasizing that I live down the hall from Billy Dogma and his super cool girlfriend, Jane Legit. Jane and I are best friends and I magically have legs like hers and we both run around in 50's-style swimsuits and cowboy boots and killer shades. I'm always telling Jane that she should quit her job and come work with me at the cabaret. (Shut up. It's my fantasy and I can work in a cabaret if I want to.) She tells me that she'd love to quit but she can't because she has to support herself and her soul mate, Billy Dogma. I say, "Jane, that's no way to live. Why, Billy ought to be able to support himself for a change."
Then Jane interrupts and reminds me of the last time that Billy tried to get a job. He ended up throwing Trip City into an economic shutdown in just four days, remember? We'd have a good laugh about that one. That crazy lummox. He means well!
Just then, Billy Dogma would burst through the apartment wall with Officer Axelrod Fisticuff hot on his tail and berserker guns set on WACK, blasting Jane's tchotchkes into random dimensions and narrowly missing my ribs!
"That's it, Billy!" Jane would shout, "I've had it up to the blonde streak on my brow!"
Big ole, square-jawed, Charles-Atlas-sized Billy would tremble and quake and call after her, "Buttercup!" They'd fight and make up over a bottle of Applejack and their pupils would turn into little hearts. Of course, I would then be left to debate socialist theory with an armed and annoyed Officer Fisticuff... On second thought, maybe I don't want to move to Trip City.
(It sure is a fun place to visit, though. Just ask Walt Simonson, Steve Weissman, Howard Chaykin, Matt Madden, Jessica Abel or any of the other celebrities who make guest appearances in DAYDREAM LULLABIES.)
Kelly Sue DeConnick relocated from Brooklyn, New York to Kansas City, MO, where she lives with her husband and artbomb.net colleague, Matt Fraction. Kelly Sue writes the English adaptations of several manga titles published by Tokyopop and Viz. She can be found on the web at kellysue.com.