I have, in conjunction with some friends, conducted an informal study on a naturally occurring event we know as the Porn In The Woods Phenomenon. This study collected various anecdotes from people of various different geographies describing their propensity as youths to discover, as you may have guessed, porn in the woods.
I, personally, often found porn in the woods. Several others confessed that they, too, often found porn in the woods. Hobo boner fuel, perhaps, or merely the erotic refuse of the deeply ashamed. We cannot and should dare not say. It was porn. Porn we found in the woods. Back in the days when we were often in the woods, exploring. Before the age when we were often in the woods, exploring for porn. Which somehow seemed to scare it away.
There is the obvious charm of finding porn in the woods - "Hey! Porn!" - that speaks for itself. More intriguing was the speculation as to how said naughty naughtiness would come to be alone, abandoned, covered with dirt, weather-beaten. Who put it there? Why? Will they come back for this? Is this picture in fact some hobo's wife? Will I get stabbed for looking at this? This pall of strangeness and almost-danger would collide in our prepubescent minds as they fixated on naughty bits and improbable situations that took us years to stop expecting whenever we painted a house, went into a convenient store at midnight, or delivered a pizza. So many things to not understand all at once, little scraps of dangerous adulthood glimpsed on accidental paper.
Ah, youth! Such mystery, such magic!
In a brilliantly proactive tribute to the phenomenon, a friend involved in the study has recently left a large cache of his own porn in the woods to be found, one hopes, by children. We applaud his propagation of the porn/woods phenomenon, and in fact wonder if we all should be out there, keeping the myth and mystery alive.
If I ever leave porn in the woods for kids to find, I'm leaving Dave Cooper's SUCKLE.
Matt Fraction splits his time between motion graphics and design house MK12, writing comics, and reading comics. He is the author of the graphic novels The Annotated Mantooth and Last of the Independents, both available from AiT/Planet Lar. He can be found on the web at mattfraction.com. His wife is hot.